buttertub's posterous

little old people

Elderly Stuff:
A couple in their nineties were both having problems remembering things. During a checkup, the doctor tells them that they're physically okay, but they might want to start writing things down to help them remember. Later that night, while watching TV, the old man gets up from his chair. 'Want anything while I'm in the kitchen?' he asks. 'Will you get me a bowl of ice cream? 'Sure..' 'Don't you think you should write it down so you can remember it?' she asks. 'No, I can remember it.
'Well, I'd like some strawberries on top, too. Maybe you should write it down, so as not to forget it?'
He says, 'I can remember that. You want a bowl of ice cream with strawberries.
'I'd also like whipped cream. I'm certain you'll forget that, write it down?' she asks. Irritated, he says, 'I don't need to write it down, I can remember it! Ice cream with strawberries and whipped cream - I got it, for goodness sake! Then he toddles into the kitchen. After about 20 minutes, The old man returns from the kitchen and hands his wife a plate of bacon and eggs.. She stares at the plate for a moment. 'Where's my toast?"


A little old man shuffled slowly into an ice cream parlor and pulled himself slowly, painfully, up onto a stool. After catching his breath, he ordered a banana split. The waitress asked kindly, 'Crushed nuts?' "No, he replied, Arthritis".

great deal!!!!

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The Tao of @JoseCanseco

Living a life like former baseball star Jose Canseco's builds great insight and character. Years ago, we wouldn't have been able to tap into such a fount of wisdom. Lucky for us, we have Twitter. And double lucky, Jose loves to use it. 

Now, you may think of him as an over-the-hill, whistle-blowing has been, but Jose will be the first to tell you...

True, Jose. Too true. 

Jose lights the path for all of us with his knowledge. A man who was once a huge baseball star in the 80s and 90s is now a member and coach of the semi-professional Yuma Scorpions. To which you may say he's washed up, but Jose will let you know that once a superstar, always a superstar...

Wow.

Now, to a man like this, we are but mice. Yet, Jose still shares the secret to his power. Some of you might say he's still using steroids, but Jose shakes off the naysayers and shares with his true fans the secret to his longevity....
Brilliant, Jose. Simply brilliant.

Some see Jose as a big baseball gorilla that hits objects more than 500 feet. No, Jose is more than that. He is like an onion. Peel the layers back and you, too, will shed tears. This brute is also a poet. Some would argue that he's a modern day Robert Frost. Here, you judge for yourself....

Don't know about you, but I'm taken aback. Beautiful.

Jose is many things to many people, but a conspiracy theorist? With insight like his, you have to wonder. Jose isn't afraid to shed light onto any subject. WikiLeaks who?

That is hard-hitting stuff. Pun sort of intended.

One of the many questions I ask myself daily is, how does a man like Jose thrive under such tremendous scrutiny? Just when I think all hope is lost, Jose grabs my hand and pulls me from the darkness of ignorance with gems like this....

You'd think John Lennon wrote that.

Like most deep thinkers, Jose strikes chords in the hearts of many with few words. This one needs no explanation....
Deep.

In conclusion, Jose is not the beast of a man you may think he is. And it's tweets like these that help him show you a side no one knows. Jose personifies the saying "Never judge a book by its cover." In departing, Jose leaves us with this....


And we will always love you, Jose.

via funnyordie.com